by Sam Juliano
The following transcript was recorded on June 6 at the Paradise Falls Community Center in Heaven’s Gate, Seraphsville, and transmitted via satellite.
Sam: It’s been a long time, my friend. I reckon it may be a year since we last spoke.
Allan: Let me tell you straight away, Sam, that things are not as easy up here as you think. It’s a place where everyone has their own celestial schedule and activities to which they are partial. Think of it as our version of Shangri-La. By the way, speaking of that James Hilton property, up here, they think that the wretched 1973 musical produced by Ross Hunter is a far better movie than Frank Capra’s 1937 original. They treat the song “The World is a Circle” as another “Over the Rainbow” and think Liv Ullman and Bobby Van are among the best singer-dancers ever.
Sam: Well, Allan, that film’s reputation has vastly improved. It has developed a strong cult following.
Allan: Don’t talk to me about cults. If they gave me a choice to return to Earth or stay here, I wouldn’t think twice. What is wrong with the people in your country? Up here, they just shake their heads. When I was still in Kendal, in the land of the living, I told you that Trump would return your country to the Civil War era. The man brought hatred into vogue again. And even after his conviction the other day, the political experts here think he has an excellent chance to win again.
Sam: Yes indeed, my friend. The polls here show a close race, but Trump is still narrowly ahead in the battleground states that will decide the election.
Allan: The fact that it is close tells us all we need to know about your country, but let’s not waste our time talking about that con man.
Sam: Allan, I remember you once called him a cretin.
Allan: Such language is not permitted up here. I have learned to paint so much in a positive light, but it kills me to do it.
Sam: (laughs) I’m sure you haven’t completely lost your saucy humor.
Allan: You could say that.
Sam: To this day, I have never stopped snickering when I remember what you said about Driving Miss Daisy, A Separate Peace, and Brother Sun Sister Moon. Your takedowns were classic. 
Allan: Do you still think about those movies. You know, it is best I bite my tongue. But, refresh my memory.
Sam: You once wrote under my review of Brother Sun Sister Moon at Wonders in the Dark that “St. Francis is circulating in his grave like an electric eel with the heebie jeebies, and that Sam needs to get the notion that forsaken 70s cinema should equate to stuff that shouldn’t refer to stuff unfairly treated. To call this excrement would be too kind. It is religion for the Woodstock brigade. No cinema should carry the death penalty for infliction, but this should at least be life imprisonment.”
Allan: Try to whisper into the microphone when you say stuff like that. They are very sensitive up here, especially now that the pope’s name is Francis.
Sam: Sorry, Allan. But I do think some of the cracks you made about Driving Miss Daisy were even funnier.
Allan: Are you still sponsoring that film?
Sam: Now, more than ever.
Allan: It figures. There is no accounting for bad taste.
Sam: (snickers) Well, the soundtrack did feature Bellini’s “Casta Diva” behind some ravishing rural Georgia settings.
Allan: I’ll give you that. But the pandering relationship at the center of the film was something I didnt buy then, nor now. And I still think 1989 was a terrible year for movies.
Sam: You know how I feel about that.
Allan: Of course. You consider it the best year of the decade. We went through this debate already, but what were your specific reasons?
Sam: Allan, I won’t provide reasons in the strictest sense, only evidence. Here it is: Cinema Paradiso, Henry V, Glory, Driving Miss Daisy, Born on the Fourth of July, Field of Dreams, Do the Right Thing, Dead Poets Society, Blood, Drugstore Cowboy, Jesus of Montreal, The Match Factory Girl, Crimes and Misdemeanors, My Left Foot, Sante Sangre, The City of Sadness, Last Exit to Brooklyn, Mahabarata, Life and Nothing But, Monsieur Hire, Close-Up, The Killer, Sweetie, War Requiem, The Nasty Girl, Kiki’s Delivery Service, Creature Comforts, Yaaba, Black Rain, Damnation, The Little Mermaid, Sidewalk Stories, Sex, Lies and Videotape, The Aesthetic Syndrome, A Village Romeo and Juliet.
Allan: As you know I am not the biggest fan of about half of those, or at least not as much a fan as you are. I have seen the reappraisals for Sidewalk Stories at am online site called The Halo Gazette, and I have now come to see Jesus of Montreal as a better film than I had originally thought. I remember setting you straight on The Aesthetic Syndrome. I never cared much for American baseball, so Field of Dreams has no nostalgic worth for me. The final scene of Dead Poets Society when the students stand on their desks to pay tribute to their teacher with “O Captain, My Captain,” is as corny as any ending I have ever witnessed. And I ran into Robin Williams about eight months ago at an ice cream place and told him what I thought about the film. He agreed and always thought the film was silly, aside from that sad event when the student committed suicide. War Requiem is uneven, and The Little Mermaid hasn’t stood the test of time. I see you are still promoting A Village Romeo and Juliet. What a lame opera film. I couldn’t get through it even once. As to all the others, I like them to varying degrees, but again I am not, nor was I ever where you are with them. You are a rank sentimentalist. It must be that Italian blood. I have lost count of the times you have overrated films because they “emotionally move you.” That is what happened with Daisy, Dead Poets, Field of Dreams and countless others over the years. So many people with Mediterranean blood let their emotions rule them.
Sam: That is also true of the Irish, in good measure.
Allan: Yeah, to a degree. Anyway, the last time we spoke, you said your new novel was coming out. I had a copy sent to me on kindle through the usual channels. I read it in two days. You did a fine job. When I told some of my associates up here what the title was, they begged me to send it on to them. I mean, Irish Jesus of Fairview. The book became a sensation among my students, just as Paradise Atop the Hudson had become before it. Now you have a third book coming in a few months, I understand. And you are planning six in all. Quite a late life creative burst! And I certainly know where your main character, Adam Sean Furano, will be headed when his time on Earth concludes. But I hope he lives to be a hundred. I just hope someone helps him to kick his smoking habit.
Sam: Allan, I appreciate that you are passing the word. Yes, Mikey’s Absolution should be published sometime in October. The fourth book, Roses for Saoirse, is set for October of 2025, and the fifth and sixth books are presently untitled and not yet outlined. Needless to say, for all of this to happen I will need to stay alive. I turn 70 in August, and at this stage in our lives we need to just take it one day at a time.
Allan: I once called you blind, deaf and senile. You are also much too stubborn to die anytime soon. Heck, there is no reason why you need to keep Wonders in the Dark afloat. We started the site almost 17 years ago. I’m happy to see some of the regulars and can never thank Jamie enough for starting up this festival, but other than the Monday Morning Diaries, the Fall Horror Festival, and the year-end lists by several writers, we don’t have the same kind of popularity anymore.
Sam: Allan, this is true of all blogsites. Social media has cut into it severely. But yes, I am as stubborn as an ox in a number of ways. I don’t have any plans to end Wonders in the Dark anytime in the near future but will see how things go. The festival for you this year has been quite a success, more than I envisioned. I also mean to ask you about last year’s films. What were your favorites? I’m sure you saw year-end lists at the site by Duane Porter and myself.
Allan: I saw both lists, and I think I watched almost all the films in the running. In alphabetical order, my Top 10 were: All of Us Strangers, Anatomy of a Fall, The Boy and the Heron, Fallen Leaves, Godzilla Minus One, Killers of the Flower Moon, Monster, Occupied City, Past Lives, The Zone of Interest.
Sam: If you had to choose only one film, my guess is The Zone of Interest.
Allan: Quite right. You know my taste. I have always been fascinated, if disturbed by films about the Holocaust.
Sam: Yes, one of your favorite genres, but only because you saw that as the worst abomination in history, and wanted to keep alive the memory of how the Jewish people were brutalized and liquidated. I never forgot your brilliant reviews of Shoah, Night and Fog, Fateless, Schindler’s List and The Pianist, among others. I think the one you didn’t care so much for was Life is Beautiful.
Allan: Aye. The humor didn’t work. As far as Benigni winning the Best Actor Oscar, let’s not even go there, even if he put on a show at the awards. And the film was far from the top choice in the Best Foreign Film category.
Sam: As I’m sure you remember, I am not a fan of that film either. But I agree with you on the greatness of all the others I mentioned. As to your list again, I am not surprised you had three Japanese films included and that only one film was American.
Allan: Yes, only Scorsese’s film made it. I liked Oppenheimer well enough, but I can’t escape the feeling it’s overrated.
Sam: What about The Holdovers?
Allan: Oh, I know you loved it. I liked it, but not quite enough to make my top 10. Some of the emotional plot points were formula, but Giamatti, Randolph and that young man were terrific. Sam, I want to talk more, but time is running out. I promised to be at the meeting hall to show a film to a large group of students – Franticek Vlacil’s Marketa Lazarova.
Sam: Now isn’t that a surprise?! When we first met, back in 2005 online, you asked me to sign a petition for the film to be made available on DVD. It took some years, but now we have on a Criterion Blu-ray.
Allan: I’m teaching a class on the Czechoslovakian New Wave. Next week, I’ll be showing Closely Watched Trains by Jiri Menzel.
Sam: Eastern European cinema always rivaled Japanese for you. Next time we speak, you need to tell me how it all went. In the meantime, I’ll be compiling my 2024 list of movies for you.
Allan: Oh, one last thing. I’ve developed a taste for lasagna. If you recall, I hated Mediterranean cuisine my entire time during the mortal years. But they have taught me the era of my ways.
Sam: Wonders never cease. You need to try some fried calamari next! Take care my great friend! My yearly talk with you was a joy.